My Demeanor Matches the Sky Today.
Grey. Heavy. Leaden.
I’m not depressed. That’s not the problem. Rather, my mental and physical energy are so low that I just can’t get going. Here is my to-do list:
7:30 AM Drive daughter to school.
1:30 PM Haircut
3:10 PM Pick daughter up from school.
5:15 PM drive daughter to her dad’s.
Doesn’t seem too taxing, right? Today, to me, it feels impossible. I am presently in the period between the school drop off and the haircut, and I am wondering how I will find the energy to deal with the rest of the day. I literally don’t know how I will do it.
PL (pre Lyme) I was a very active, type-A person. It was my nature to be on the go, all the time. That’s just how I rolled.
Now, the simple act of daily living is exhausting to me. I am coming to believe this stems from both mental and physical fatigue. My brain just isn’t right in ways it’s hard for me to explain.
For example, my brain feels like it just isn’t processing information the way it should. It’s just not crackin’ along with me in the way it used to. It’s a step behind. It’s tired. It craves silence. Nothing but silence. Anything else is too exhausting. Too overwhelming.
I’ve been here before. Many, many times. And I’m always surprised by my ability to rally. In this moment, my stomach hurts, my brain hurts and I’m tired. But somehow, some way, I will do everything I am supposed to.
I will mindfully put one foot in front of the other at a pace that works for me, and I will reach the end of another day.
And as always at the end of the day, I will go to sleep hoping the next day will be better.
One day it will.