This Was My View on the Treadmill This Morning.

Boring, huh?

We are out of town for my daughter’s rock climbing competition, and let’s just say the hotel treadmill didn’t exactly have a five star view.

But the good thing about a boring view is it gives you time to think. My first thoughts were of how bored I was. How I wished I was walking outside (too cold and dark). But then I reminded myself why I was on the treadmill in the first place – it’s good for my anxiety, it’s good for my osteoporosis, and it’s good for my overall well being. In that light, the best thing seemed to be to just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, whether it’s pleasant or not. Whether it’s easy or hard.

Then I realized that’s a metaphor for my long tangle with chronic lyme disease. All these years I’ve continued to put one foot in front of the other – no matter what. Whether I feel hopeful of hopeless. Whether I feel I’m making progress or going backwards. Whether I feel good or wretched. No matter what, I just keep on trying. I don’t think this is noble or brave or heroic. I just think it’s the only choice I have. 

When I finished the treadmill this morning I lifted weights and stretched, as I do every other day. But today I did something different when I finished. I took a moment to reflect on how proud I was of myself. Proud that I stayed on the treadmill this day, but also proud for how I’ve stayed on life’s treadmill for the last eight years. And then I shed a few tears. Tears of pride and gratitude.

Sometimes I think I’m overly focused on moving forward, and I don’t pause to reflect on how far I’ve come. And really, isn’t celebrating how far I’ve come more productive than thinking about how far I still have to go?