The Courage To Believe The Line Is Really Trending Up.
This is a one page summary of a complex six year health struggle. The trend line represents how I feel, with the top of the chart being optimal health, and the bottom being the worst health.
As you can see, I’ve spent a lot of time near the bottom. But as you can also see, I seem to be trending up.
Note I said “seem.” If I had a quarter for every time I thought I was finally turning the corner, only to find out the corner was not a corner, but instead a U turn, I’d be writing this post from Tahiti instead of snowy Minnesota.
I got to the point where I started feeling like the boy who cried wolf. I would tell people I was finally feeling better, only to have to backtrack days or weeks later when things turned south again. Over time, I’ve become very cagey about saying how I’m doing. I typically leave it at “hanging in there” or “moving along”.
Per my previous post, lately things have been better for me in a way they haven’t in the past. I really and truly feel different this time. You might find this hard to believe, but when you’ve been sick for a long time, it takes a great deal of courage to believe you’re actually getting better. It’s like trusting love again after heartbreak.
Lyme has broken my heart over and over again, and I risk great disappointment by investing in the belief I am getting well. But what do I risk if I let fear get in the way of believing? Much more, I think.
I’m staying positive, but am treating this as a fluid situation. I’m looking at it more as a transition. I am transitioning from being a patient who is enduring something to being a person who is overcoming something.
And that’s my word for today. Overcoming. I can believe in that.